Posted in Death

Renounce

Afterwards when what was sanctioned as acceptable
or regarded as unremarkable
is reclassified as inhumane, barbaric or depraved
practitioners or admirers vanish without trace.
There never had been any Nazis in Germany
no secret police when the Iron Curtain rusted
even Jesus had no friends at the crucifixion.
And at school reunions
the lacquer of camaraderie coats the graffiti of bullying.

For bygone schools bullying was an unofficial uniform
as present as chalk
not encouraged, but lightly policed
seen as an element of manhood
or entrée to the inequalities of capitalism and social hierarchy.

By mathematics everything conforms to normal distribution
find a big enough sample and the bell curve rules.
Puberty is no exception
most congregate around the median
some either side – late and early – smaller numbers.

At a boys only school time confers advantages
on those whose hormones are impatient.
Muscles arrive before morality
some become lions, unsupervised classrooms a Coliseum.

Life’s first changing of the old order
for those whose development is slow
new shadows of anxiety
tact and flattery the circling wagons of defence.

One boy previously equal
elevated
by rapid growth to superiority
enjoys new-found equality with full-sized peers
and ability to extract respect from the undersized.

Roughing the yet, or never to be dominant with almost legitimacy
in touch football, a closed fist, or following through shoulder
a raised knee in the assault of bases
or defence of home plate
hoping for the blood rush of backlash – then a lesson.

One day during uncommon silence, an eruption
books fly, a desk overturns, a teacher barks urgent instructions
in the aisle, a thrashing torso, whirling arms, wet fronted trousers.
Epilepsy. Latent and stalking. Witnesses shocked … then frightened.

Three days later he returns to school
his days of bullying over – forever.
He could still remember how to break bones
but avenging adolescent spite never forgot spilt urine.

For the back story click Backstage
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Posted in Death

Terminated

One day it just stops
abruptly
without warning
coins digested by a meter
time is up
Make way for new players.

What could be frightening or exciting
assuring or deflating
lift spirits or drop lips
that which technology cannot make redundant
for which there never will be an App …. Is no more.

Memory is not entirely forgetful
prescience created an archive
a regulated annex of representation
all traces of heat, cold and humanity removed
perfectly preserved film of that time
when princes and princesses
become King or Queen
the interval from mid teens to early 20s
when a boy will be gazed upon by every girl
and a girl, by every boy.

Then
one day it just stops
abruptly
without warning
and never is again.

For the back story click Backstage
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Posted in Death

Check Out

The timing couldn’t have been worse.
A stopover one time zone west
three hours of a 27 hour flight
not returning, is not sufficiently difficult
no complexity of visa, schedule or expense.
The funeral director is not impatient
Wednesday is suitable. Today is Sunday.

In church the numbers are gratifying.
Expectation and dread
probability knew a crowd unlikely
cringe prepared for echoes of space.

After the last hymn and burial
memories bubble in flat sunshine.
Funeral imbibition
last stand for sexism’s etiquette
men drink beer and whisky
women tea and coffee.

Later when guests are no longer
the inheritors of this earth
walk around house and farm.
Just as fleshy becomes flab then fat
what was routine
slows to effort
labouring to impossible.

The makings of strain.
Little things that were once
done too soon and too often
are still waiting.
The timing couldn’t have been better.
For the back story click Backstage
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