Category: Truth

It was three years before The Vagina Monologues
I wondered if I’d heard correctly
then I didn’t. I had.
There it was
out loud
the word : plural
“ tell your cunts to cover their heads.”

She had a point.
It was a hospital kitchen
and
they had been getting a little slack about hair nets.
It may have been directed at me
a male island, in a sea of 37 women
a warning I wasn’t being tough enough
that things were on the slide.
Or not to let them be.

I confided in another department head
they weren’t surprised
then added benediction, “ she’s really scrubbed up her language”
apparently when Theatre Supervisor
the air was blue most days – all day.

Still, imagine the headlines
male assistant manager
of exclusive private hospital
points to a group of middle aged women and
barks at female catering manager
“ tell your cunts to cover their heads.”

The doors slide open
to a hushed compartment
and another set of doors.
One will not open, until the other is closed
defying the second law of thermodynamics
heat will not become cold
noise, forbidden to pass.

Staff wear screen saver smiles
trolleys of food glide past
the carpet, mindful of traffic, is carefully expensive
tasteful paintings watch quietly from faultless walls.
Subdued speakers play thoughtful music.
A basket of sweets tempt
and quieten children.
In one corner, deep armchairs
surround a large screen and satellite channels.

Discretion is well mannered
polite enquiry
verifies right to admission.
Authentication approved, nothing is trouble
an invitation to feel comfortable and enjoy hospitality.

A trio cluster in close proximity
oasis chatter
desert silence
one listener occupying alternate time zones
of wakefulness and sleep.
It is the Saturday following Thanksgiving
a nurse steps into a pause.
Will he see Christmas?
“No.”

For three years I camped in the job
never moving in
never signing a lease
never bringing my photographs.

Resignation became frustration became resignation
surprise was surprised – surprised it took 1200 days.
Change was coming, but not yet arrived
I told them : “ this can’t go on ”
yeah yeah.
The biblical rod and staff
the staff were a rod across my back
two explanations : for everything
       1 “it’s not my job.”
       2 “I’m just about to go on break.”

In the end it was a very small thing
heat = flash evaporation = ‘effective from 6 June…’

My replacement said, “about Mary …. I’ve been hearing ”
confidentiality – professional ethics – nondisclosure – absolute.
She said it was important to know the issues affecting staff
confidentiality – professional ethics – nondisclosure – absolute.
A third attempt
confidentiality – professional ethics – nondisclosure – absolute.

Her eyes flickered hostility
confrontation hovered
a pause… stretched …. past resentment
then
she spoke, without speed, with solemnity.
Before she continued she wanted commitment
commitment not to confer the information she had been seeking.
Did I promise?
“Yes.”
She said she’d been making herself known to her new staff
my old staff
talking casually …. getting a feel for things
“I spoke with Mary yesterday, she …. she told me you were hopeless.”