Category: Rituals

Friendship seemed improbable at first meeting
not so much reluctant, as uninterested
an investment not likely to pay dividend –
twice removed cousins at a family reunion
why bother?
Wrong!

Catalyzed by circumstance
It becomes Brokeback Mountain – without the messy part.
Frequent trips
to movies
to events
to mountains and river valleys.
Tents and huts
sunsets and crickets
star confetti skies
moon paths and frost
billy tea and dehydrated food.

City boys and wilderness,
improvised closeness.
The curve of time
where memory has been and hope dreams to go.
Matters sotto voce at home
spoken out loud –
unwhispered.
“ My father ….it’s too late now ”
even here ambiguity is intentional
obfuscation planned.
Physical?
Psychological?
Emotional?

I’m allowed to know,
but not why.
I know not to ask. He knows I know not to.

Stainless steel and fluorescent glare
unflickering
the shadow sharp and clear
I knew
why …. and who,
without lifting gaze.

“What’s the story?”
Punctuation and exclamation
“Story?”
Xxxxx fucking Xxxxxx
expletive splits Christian and surname with acerbic precision.

Workplace theft
door knock. Charges. Arrest.
Involvement looks away
evidence – she knows I know,
lying about lying to say different,
but ….
tungsten demand softens to reach for empathy.

She knows my history
confidence once spoke of frustration one night
two sober people
as the intoxicated swirled around –
confession
the uninsured remains of a former career
twisted
burned
voices that would not speak
suspicions not subpoenaed.
….. “ You’ve been in this position.”

Abstain
or vote?
Affinity or apathy?

I gave her the dates and times.
She already knew
was only seeking confirmation. I still felt like an informer.

 

Discrimination? Perhaps it was –
US citizens had tickets waiting in Australia,
passage…
to California
Colorado
Connecticut
or any other state that was home.
National Science Foundation grantees, also –
arrive Adelaide, collect ticket.
For New Zealanders,
nothing,
the final part of the journey self-funded.

Not quite cattle class
more refugee
the Coast Guard cutter helicopter hangar
mattresses on the floor
45° rolls
24-hour daylight lattituding to 16.
12 days at sea in the Southern Ocean,
Antarctica to Australia,
whales, icebergs, Southern Lights….
no charge?
Only surcharge – Australia to New Zealand – no-brainer.

The last morning
all 120 queue for breakfast
a voice at the rear bellows
“ remember, it’s our last free meal.”
Everyone immediately took more.