Category: Death

The school playground
hierarchical cool of talent and hip
for the fortunate, both
the outcasts, neither.
Sports like rock ‘n’ roll bands
number one for a fleeting year or two.
In high school it was cricket.
the age of obese moustaches
chest opened shirts of doormat hair and gold chains – Idols.

Boredom and consummation have their fill
the number diminishes to two
after 60 minutes and countless return throws
patience wants to end with the tangibility of the bat
Steven can go first
now
my turn.

Steven’s father has arrived early
he stands alongside requesting the bat.
Instinct expects advice on technique
parents do not seem to able to resist.
Surprise
and betrayal.
We will bowl to him
and bowl
and bowl.

The ball skims off concrete
he doesn’t see adolescent pouting
doesn’t see outrage at queue jumping
doesn’t see resentment at opportunity denied.
Suit coat removed
tie loosened
he sees the horizon
a life without deadlines or mortgage
the hero of self conquered fields of dreams
once again he is young.

Margaret shouldn’t have got the job
by logic she was runner-up
second choice
second best.
Her references were good
but swiss cheese work history
solid with gaps
“ chefs,” she shrugged beaming
it’s what we do, work and travel
travel and work
a great ticket to see the world.”
Despite the willing vivacity
there was something of an underdog about her
backing the underdog  ….. such a human reflex.  She got the job.

In other times she would have been labelled gay
she had that quality – gaiety.
Happy
hard-working
bossy, in an endearing way.
An individual. An unreformed smoker who enjoyed football
and rode a motorbike – 650cc
arriving and departing cigarette in one hand
helmet in the other.

The delegation stood at the door
three
two or more, storm clouds. Always.
“ about Margaret
could you speak to her …….. about body odour.”

It wasn’t easy. She was unaware and hurt.
How is it that summer can end abruptly
passing directly to winter without autumn
cold and dark.
Standards declined. Sick days rose.
Counselling. Warnings. Dismissal.

Six months elapse to an unexpected question
“how old was Margaret?”
39, recall thought
a quiet woman wonders if this is her
in the back pages
‘Margaret…..
…..unexpectedly
……graveside service today 2 p.m.’
it is yesterday’s paper.

If only
perhaps.
Later I learned of the psychiatric history
and admissions
It relieved me of the stalking guilt.

 

They were a female underclass
arrived at parenthood early
propelled by circumstances and adventure
clinging to maternity as if their only possession in life
a single, almost random, item snatched from a sinking ship.

She began with universal approval and goodwill
57 years old,a  mother and grandmother
after three childless head of departments
it was good to have someone who understood they said.
Approval ratings soared when they learned she had experienced
the disrepair and decay of partnership
married from early 20’s for a decade
another decade of solo parenting
followed by a dozen years of redemption.
Children, she was so proud of her three
knew you weren’t supposed to have favourites
but her daughter had provided a grandchild
“wait for grandchildren
you’ll wish you could go have gone straight there.”

It could have been the blur of work pace
or as suspicion sometime speculated
the muddled inattention of medications.
Cataloguing contained frequent errors
information filed without proofreading.
Incorrect matches were spoken
sons mistaken for daughters
sports for hobbies
endearing idiosyncrasy for behavioural difficulty
significant events forgotten or mistaken.

Her inner circle made details permanent
by the same method children learn multiplication tables
constant repetition.
Most succumbed to frustration
feeling undervalued and abandoned
renounced by the faith that joined them.
Goodwill died. It was the conception of failure.