Author: tq1695

The oldest question –
when and how much should be told.
On an as needed basis?
Just in case?
Russian roulette? – Most times, it’s a blank.

What to do with a problem,
98% not.
Complicated and additive
(invariably absent problem) + (might be temporary employee)
= discretion best policy
= say nothing.

“They won’t accept that!”
Asparagus is hurled to the floor,
hot self pronounced failure,
despairing sobs,
rushed exit from the room.
I turn to the others – what have I done?
No one says anything.
The radio is playing ‘I’ve got you Babe’
……“such profound lyrics.”
The conspiracy of knowing pretence
as ubiquitous as backspace
as useful as Photoshop.
“ Yeah…….I’ve always liked that song.”
Four became three
as if ice became water
commonplace –
too unremarkable for comment.

No one ever told me,
I just found out,
found out
like a bird finds out about downdrafts and thermals.
Ups
and downs.
Bipolar,
serious –
hospital + ECT +weeks off work.
Better now
98.95% of the time.

Margaret Thatcher famously disclaimed having an au pair,
her children’s upbringing was, she said
overseen by a nanny – “an English nanny.”
An English nanny –
sensible,
as reliable as good behavior at a funeral.
Not the risqué stories and drunkenness of a wedding.

A nanny :
skirt below the knee
top button – buttoned.
No flights of fancy,
French knickers,
flirtation …or worse.

I always said I was a probationary employee.
Probation sounded sensible –
temporary equated with finite.
Probation : expected to meet defined standards.
I could. And was.

What happens when a knot loosens?
A hard-working and reliable nanny
asked to stay in, so employees can go out – no payment –
September,
but the keeper of the house knows,
everybody knows
about the Christmas holiday to Barbados.
Dates booked – numbers yet to be confirmed.

There was no path –
people just made one to my door ….
could I help them with ???
…. hops, raspberries, asparagus…..
What might a trade unionist have said
“ NOT  YOUR  JOB.”
I said, “YES” –
I had a destination in mind – permanent staff.

Heroes,
as essential as water,
as impermanent as states of matter.
Rock dissolved by waves,
steam freed by a kettle.

Chris,
the only Ph.D. on staff –
the first met outside University.
Ph.D……
piled higher and deeper he said
flip handedly,
said he didn’t like being called Dr,
“felt embarrassed by it,”
but was expected to do so. No choice.
The star of our show – undoubtedly
would I like to help with……?
YES.

I told people he was mentoring me
even though I knew he really wasn’t –
it was the kind of thing expected from hero.
Instructions were often tinfoil
and expectations gold. Always.
Sink or swim …
I’d swum the English Channel for him.

He was 37
and twice divorced.
Scuttlebutt said, both were very young first-time
and the second
she couldn’t cope with his talent and success.

The windows are high and old-fashioned
lattice of glass and beading
spray light on his face –
red and stretched with fury.

“ Why I had done it?”
Explanation catalyzed anger
he advanced towards me ….
I was not to do anything without checking with him.
“Is that clear?”
I mumble acknowledgement. 
“IS…THAT…..CLEAR ”
the tone frightening
and frenzied –
a plantation owner toward a slave.
I continued to admired him. He ceased to be a hero.