Month: June 2015

Memory – often tempted by remake
revision, clarification, polishing
excision of truth and fillings of fiction
smoothed by self perception.

She had been on a holiday
free from the borders of respectability
a holiday fling turned to almost romance
young and cute
he would be a trophy – for a while

Used to having her way, she will
visa refusal becomes defiance – then marriage.
Some would have settled for memories
and a T-shirt.

They had hired him
a guide
an emissary to envy
easing affluent pilgrims to mountains
where climbers are found legendary, or out
adventure – vicarious – amputated of danger.

Three weeks long enough for
contract to shrink to comfort
and what was thought exotic …. turn erotic.
Should she? The Devil wins.

Later
the plane landed at the high airstrip
haloed by the light – a shining moment – there he is
waiting
as if he had been – all his life.
She knew immediately
an aligning – two souls orbiting in synchrony. Destiny.

A decade passes
as have they from each other lives.
A mistake. He was so inadequate.
She had always known that.

Perhaps euphoria was to blame
it had not quite gone away and always saw goodwill.
Confidence had hoped for this position
reality wondered if experience could meet the reserve.
The dealer is generous
a good hand defeats better players.
That zero gravity feeling.
instant miraculous happiness. Euphoric.

A small stable staff
the employer a star in this town
the first new appointment in several years
visibility is high. Unproud pride doesn’t mind.

A conference, in the first quarter, of the first year
during coffee
a man with a wide smile and outstretched hand
the manager of the sister facility. Jovial eat and greet.
“Martin… Martin V – to everybody – even the wife ”
a piston rod hand shake and Schwarzenegger smile.
His surname is Dutch and van der unpronounceable
so Martin V it is. “Better than VD eh,” an elbow thumps my ribs.

Questions
he has a few
about academic pedigree and place of home
a head shaked sigh
excuses ancestry from the land’s most ridiculed city.

The chairman sheepdogs attendees back to task
“nice to meet you Martin.”
“Martin V,” a toothy invitation to familiarity
“better than Martin VD eh,” his elbow reconnects with ribs.

Within 12 months the Angel of Death
strikes the firstborn career
the sister facility has a vacancy
I am interviewed by Martin.
Plain Martin.
No V and no D.
No smile. And no previous introduction.
Insider trading furiously chases memory
recall can’t. His eyes disagree.

An unexpected guest
after a second, second glass of wine
an interesting story.
A client had visited earlier that year.
This was her testimony.

Change had occurred, she was certain
no scent, e-mail or unfamiliar phone number
just furtive distraction and counterfeit attention.

Some solutions do not require formal logic
conviction – without evidence or trial.
An appointment with a lawyer
and an unexpected question.
Is it knowledge? Or suspicion?

Knowledge and suspicion
different entities : different issues – different solutions.
Agitated and distressed she will be treated as fool
no one is going to take what she has
she will leave on her terms.

Although not sought
counsel is offered.
The clock is stopped
if no action is taken – no invoice – no record
for 45 minutes a chilling, unfolding inventory of loss.
A much smaller house
in an area of much greater social inequality
contracted income and expanded expenses
two embattled opponents
constantly drafting truces with conflict weary children.

Is it worth it? Just for intuition.
Go home drop a hint
the guilty are careful listeners
fear of prosecution is a powerful corrector
if nothing changes come back.

Later that same night
after a second, third drink
a question – will doubt it go away?
“ Probably not.”